IMS_Blog

Pages are appearing from the printer. This is actually it. I’ve had to force myself to find a place where I stop fiddling and just be done. I could probably spent another four years tweaking, adding, removing, changing. In the end it must be what it is, good enough or not.

This whole experience is certainly turning out a lot more mixed up than I expected. I can’t help being scared that what I’ve produced isn’t good enough, the work hasn’t been hard enough, something. There’s also the relief at having produced anything at all, when I can just about remember when all there was was a blank page. And sadness that this big chunk of something isn’t there anymore. Very mixed up, like I said.

I think I’m probably writing this post partly to distract myself from the whole thing—not have to think about it. I half wonder if I’ll actually be able to hand the bloody thing over at all, or if my hand will convulsivly clench, pull it to my chest to run away and jabber over it in some dark cave. So if you don’t hear from me, that’s where I’ll have gone…